False Unicorn Root...

...is THE nastiest supplement I've ever tasted.  Absolutely horrible.

I'm taking it in hopes of creating a good O.  It is said to help the egg actually pop(in easy short explanation).

It's CD 1 again....

Thanksgiving!!!!

Today is a bitter sweet holiday for me...3 years ago on Thanksgiving I was able to announce I was pregnant to the family.  I won't ever announce something like that on a holiday again.

Today was a good day though!  I was in charge of the jello(with bananas in it), Corn pudding(aka scalloped corn, YUM), and Broccoli Bake(YUM).  I had a mishap with the broccoli though, somehow it didn't turn out as creamy so I had to make more cheese sauce and mix it in, still yummy, but didn't look all nice and perfect.

Rob kept all the kids busy with the xbox so us women folk could cook.  We ate, had spilled milk, did a half ass job at decorating the tree, ate pie, and now Rob and I are home about to watch a movie, then off to bed for me as I have to wake up at 3 am to be to work at 4 am so I can open the store at 5 am....yuck!

I hope everyone has had a good day.

My Man

I love him.  So much.

I'm so grateful to have him in my life, it took awhile for us to get where we are and it's now only been almost 5 months, but I can say truthfully that I love him with all my heart.  I've never been able to say that about anyone before. 

He is such a good person it's almost unbelieveable.

I would love nothing more than to have a baby with him and it scares me so much to think it might not happen makes me so sad.    Before, it was ME wanting a baby because I wanted one.  Now it's WE want a baby for US.  So now I feel almost more pressure for it to happen since it's something we both want now.

I know statistically speaking even with timed intercourse you only have a 20% chance of getting pregnant and it can take a healthy couple 12 months to get pregnant, I just feel so sad when AF comes every month and I know Rob does too, I see it in his eyes.  He stays so positive and upbeat and I try so hard for him to stay upbeat.

So here is to hoping it happens sooner than later.

Medical Study, it's official!!!

Clear Blue is coming out with a new HPT(digital) that reads how far along you are depending on how much hcg is in your urine(so I was correct in my assumption from last post about it).

At the appointment we went through a pretty lengthy medical history. Then went over instructions of what I will be doing.

I start next CD 1 and take a hpt(regular clear blue line kind) and 3 days later, take another one just to make sure I'm not pg.  starting CD 9 I take the opk's(digi) and start collecting a daily urine sample.  I stop opking when I get my surge but continue doing urine collection until that next CD 1.  I also have a daily journal for collection info in.  I was even provided a black pen, lol.

The kit I got includes 60 urine sample jars, 40 digi opk's, 4 hpt, diary, pen, urine collection bucket that goes on the toilet I can pee in.

I'm actually excited, if nothing else, I helped develop a new hpt and that's kinda cool.

I will be updating with pics of the kit later.

Rough day today I think

I'm at work doing this from my phone so forgive any typos...

I just feel like crying and I don't know why, I hate these days, they sneak up on you with no warning.  It's a feeling of it's never going to happen, that I'll forever be the one to help others get their dream but I'm stuck at the starting line.

I guess I'm the ultimate coach.  I don't want to be a coach anymore, I want my turn of having MY hand held and helping ME.

A good internet friend of mine who has suffered many losses found out she was pregnant a few days ago, it truly was like a miracle for her, she has a few issues of hormones that make it hard for her to get and sustain a pg.  Well yesterday her hcg levels started dropping, so she's losing yet another babe. The unfairness(yes life isn't fair but fuck off with that bullshit)of it boggles me.  A couple who is loving, stable, and so ready get thei hope snatched away, while Susie Blowjob downtown tries to sell her baby for more smack.

I used to believe with everything in me in gaurdian angels, I've realized that in the last year there's no such thing.

Anyways, I'm at work, having a rough day, gotta get through it just like everyother day......

TTC Study Participant

I heard on a local radio station about a ttc study being run, so I called about 2 weeks ago and got a call back today.  The study group is Reliant(http://www.reliant.com/ I think).

Basically they are testing a new kind of HPT that is a digital and tells you how far along you are depending on how much hcg is in your urine(some of this is my assumptions based on what I know).  I will be supplied with OPK's and HPT's and will need to provide a urine test daily(slightly unsure of this part).

The study will run for 3 months and if I'm not pg then my part of the study is over.  If I end up pg then I continue on with the study and keep taking the HPT's to make sure they coincide with how far I actually am thru the second trimester at which time I can have a free u/s(I'm figuring so they can measure and make sure the hpt is correct based on the u/s).

I start next cycle since I'm on cd 5 today and it's too late to get me started this cycle.  I'm pretty excited!

Infertility article and a video.

I have 2 links that I love.  One is a video about the "What Ifs" of infertility.  I cry every.single. time. I watch it.

The second is an article about what everyone should know about infertility etiquette.

http://vimeo.com/11214833


http://www.resolve.org/support-and-services/for-family--friends/infertility-etiquette.html

Amanda Bears Website

I will be referring to Amanda's website often and even copying and pasting info from there.  Amanda is an encyclopedia for everything TTC.  She and I help each other with research alot.

www.amandabears.com

Intro of Me

Forgive me if this is long.

My journey of TTC has been long and hard.  Most days I want to give up but yet, never do.  I think I must like the heartache.

My ex-fiance and I started trying February 2007.  Got pregnant October 2007.  We told both sides of the family that Thanksgiving Day.  I made my mom and Exs mom an engraved fortune cookie for them to open and get their fortune.  My moms said, "I love you already Mema!"(that's what the other grandkids call her).  She totally didn't get it and I had to tell her what it meant, what a dork.  Exs moms said,"Happy Thanksgiving Gramma!"  Everyone was pretty excited.  As we went around the table at Exs T-day celebration to say what we were thankful for I said I was thankful to be healthy for my baby.

That Saturday I got off work early and went to Babies R Us to look at stuff and as I was looking at bedding sets I started cramping and bleeding.  Called the dr they said if it gets bad go to the hospital.  I went to my Exs friends house(Rob) to hang out with Ex and Rob but left as the cramps got bad.  I hadn't told anyone yet I was losing the baby.

December 1, I was in the hospital because the bleeding and pain.  They sent me to get a Vag u/s and the tech said..."Are they sure you were even pregnant?"  all I said was, "Yes".

It's now been almost 3 years and I've yet to get pregnant again.  Been thru a ton of tests all normal and healthy.  I had and HSG(dye pushed through your cervix and xray to see if any blockages in your tubes), right tube was blocked but was able to clear up just from the dye pushing through.  I had a TON of people tell me they got pregnant right after that test.  I had such high hopes, that was the last time I was hopeful.

I joined the BabyCenter(BBC)community July 09 and found a wonderful support system there.  Became a group owner for the largest(15000+ members) ttc board on BBC.  So for a year I've been helping other get pregnant. 

Fastforward to June of 2010.  My Ex and I broke up over our infertility.  In January I had told him all the different things that could happen.  IUI, IVF, adoption....he wasn't really receptive to any of it.  He'd be ok he guessed with IUI, IVF was too expensive.  Adoption, lol, ready for this?   His first question was, "What heppens if we get divorced, who gets the kid since it's not ours?"  He then said' "I guess adoption is ok but I will still want my own kid sometime."  Apparently he wanted permission to go screw some chic and get her pregnant since I can't.  needless to say when crunchtime came in June, we ended.

Rob(the friend previosly mention in the mc story)moved in with us in April 2010.  He saw the whole saga happen with Ex and I.  Rob and I had become better friends than Ex and he were through the 3.5 years we've known eachother.  July 3 2010 Rob and I started dating.  We have now been ttc for 4 cycles and about to start our 5th as I am cd 3 today.

If you kept up with that you get a gold star.