Monday, April 25, 2011

Fig+Sage: Play :: Learn About The NSF/ANSI 305 "Contains Org...

Fig+Sage: Play :: Learn About The NSF/ANSI 305 "Contains Org...: "Welcome Earth Mama Angel Baby Mama U Students! We're happy to have you! We're Playing Go To The Head of The Class With Earth Mama Angel..."

Monday, February 14, 2011


Is a turning point month.

It's the month that I will stop trying until July if I don't get a bfp.

It holds Valentines day

It holds my Birthday, a reminder I'm getting older and have yet to have the one thing I still want so bad.

It's the month Rob asked me to marry him!  Yep he popped the question 2/11.

I had my PAP today(joy!) and it all went well and it was the fastest PAP ever and was as awesome and exam I've ever had, I almost thanked her, but then thought that might be strange.

Hemoglobin was good(yay!) but she ordered a thyroid test again.  Last year was on the lower end of normal, she thinks that it's just MY normal, but wants to make sure it hasn't gone lower than last year, because then that would be a problem.

She wants me to keep my weight where it's at and keep up the dairy intake I've been doing since last year per orders then.

I'll be calling to set up Rob's Semen Analysis(going forward known as SA) since the lab nurse was out to lunch when I was there today.  If that comes back normal I will be referred to a reproductive specialist and go from there.  If it's abnormal, we will still go to the specialist, so no matter what I'm off to battle and I hate it.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Last cycle in the study

So I am CD 6 of the 3rd cycle in the study for ClearBlue.  If I don't get preg this cycle, it's the end of my participation. 

I also think if I don't get preg this cycle, that I'm done until July when  I can get a better insurance plan during open enrollment.  Last year the better plan offered infertility coverage that did cost sharing of IUI and IVF.  So, yes, I'll take a break from temping, OPK's, the whole shebang.

I'm burnt out, discouraged, and feeling like I just don't even give a shit anymore even though it's something I want so bad.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Psychic Reading by Ruby

So I decided to do a live chat reading with psychic Ruby.  It was for an hour and a half and was amazing.  There were somethings that there was no way she could have known.  Ruby is in blue, I'm in red and my thoughts are in pink.

 ttcbabylovepredictions:  Thanks alright the first thing I want to tell you is that the guides are saying that Rob is your angelic help. That he came into your life to realize the big picture of things of what where missing in life with relationships, with treating yourself better, with giving way to much to others, and not to yourself. The guides said that he came into your life to make you realize that you where short changing yourself with the relationship you were in. The guides said that he could relate to all the experience you where going through because he had experienced these himself as well(his ex wife and him went thru some things). He has a BIG heart and gives way to much to others and not to himself so that made you feel very safe with him and accepting him into your life. I also heard this man saw alot of your life unfolding from the sidelines him and the guides both said that you got alot of things thrown in your face, accused of being your fault not only with fertility issues, but other issues as well(he's been my friend for 3.5 years and even lived with us as my ex and I broke up and saw everything unfold for a long time). He knows some man wronged you greatly as some woman wronged him greatly. He said that its time for you and him both helped eachother stop blaming yourselves and helped eachohter to realize it was the outside world and people to blame for you not getting what you want. I also heard both him I also heard both him and the guides say that you have made eachother feel 1,000 times better. You are both always positive, happy people where the ones before were just doom and gloom with their thoughts patterns. Always looking at the worst of situations(this was all very dead on!!!)
I will give you time to read for a bit
 me:  ok I'e read it
 ttcbabylovepredictions:  Now something interesting I see two in a past life this man you are currently with was with you before. It shows me you two cherokke Indians. He had very long black hair, very toned muscles and he had a very strong faith in the indian religion(he is part native and his pagan faith is intertwined with native stuff too). He loved and protected you fiercly back then and he feels that same committment to you now. I feel strongly the love and union I felt before was not of your ex, but this man coming through(remember she felt much love in her last reading and even then I didn't know why she felt that)
His job before was to protect you immensly with a fierceness and I feel that is what he did a long time before even getting with you sticking up for you a ton, defneing your honor and your words(what you spoke to people)(when we were just friends he was always defending me when ex would lie about me)
 me:  makes total sense
  ttcbabylovepredictions:  When you where with him both it shows you had very long braided hair. Very beatiful. Down to your butt and it shows you younger than him in the reading in your past life. You were  
brought into his life to show him how to finish parts of life. Its showing that in a previous relationship something was desired with him but never started(even with my ex I fell in love with Rob but never acted on it, even when he moved in). This didnt happen because he was with the wrong person. You where brought to him because not only are you lifetime soulmate, but also someone who will always help him start and finish things no matter if its having children, him being disciplined with work. You keep him on track and level headed
  ttcbabylovepredictions:  Now you and your ex I see you two changed the last reading. Your energies together where not meant to be and thats why you didn't get pregnant, that is why intervention kept on happening. I see tests after tests and procedure after procedure. It wasn't anything wrong no matter what medical things may have been said it was that your future babies where not made to be his.
Its made to be this mans you two are best friends. More best friends than I have ever felt between anyone and that goes beyond just loving someone. You two are truly in love, best friends, and get eachother in every aspect(totally true)
  me:  You are dead on with what you have said so far
 ttcbabylovepredictions:  Oh I also heard your ex tried to sabatoge alot of efforst with ttc too and things with himself he didnt let himself do good with life the guides said and I felt to much fire and agression coming from him anyways to much overberaing(he would get himself off all the time and would never want to bd and more but won't get into it except to say he was bored having sex with me...)
while I channel more any questions or clarifications so far sweetie?
 me:  Nope not yet
 ttcbabylovepredictions:  thanks hon I am getting a message one moment please
His child
his child said that there has been more freedom from knowing you than from his mother
He says he feels so at home with you. Feels he can open up to you about anything. Feels alot of warmth with you, where his mother I feel alot of stiffness, not wanting to talk to her, and feeling most times in prison. His son would rather be with his dad 24-7 I heard and around you 24-7
 me:  lol its funny cuz his dad is the one who enforces rules hard core.  I still feel awckward around him sometimes, like Idon't know my role wth him yet
  ttcbabylovepredictions:  Yes, i would imagine. Its hard when they are that age too. we have a meshed family with the right energies its great, with not it can be a hassle for sure. But I see it all working out. I see his son feeling these feelings inside about both of you even if he isn't expressing them.
Your partner courts you alot I heard even being together awhile he courts you like crazy and will always he seems a hardcore romantic and he seems very whimsical like hes always  held romance, chivalry, old fashioned love in high value and practiced it in high value also he doesnt gloat but I heard alot of people are jelous of him, friends even
 me:  he opens doors for all women even if  has to run to get to the door first
 ttcbabylovepredictions:  aww that is so sweet
more men need to be like that seriously
 me:  I agree
 ttcbabylovepredictions:  Also he wants you to know, your partner that he fell in love with  you too for how easygoing and generous you are. For how you always give your time freely and listen with all your heart and soul to all his concerns. Others thought his concerns where silly before, threw them aside where you listen to them even if they are something small. He said he also loves you for being so secure within the relationship. All the woman before he was with where not secure about if he was committed or not and  you know he his and trust him completely. I know hes said all this to you before and meant every word of it
  ttcbabylovepredictions:  Now with children. The first thing that popped out with me is that in this reading. I am seeing a boy 1st, then a girl, then another girl. So that is different than our last reading
me:  yep, but still a boy frist,lol
 ttcbabylovepredictions:  Yes, that is correct
 me:  it coincides ith a dream I had of 3 children and the oldst was a boy(I had a dream of 3 children walking in the woods wearing all white and I had to save them from dying, I knew they were my children but felt a disconnection in the dream)
 ttcbabylovepredictions:  I am seeing the first boy still, but I see that changing time
 ttcbabylovepredictions:  In other words I am seeing your first boy still being much into paint, music, being a whiz with those. However I am seeing a find out with a positive pregnancy test/conceive or give birth in Feb. So either find out with a positive test/conceive in Feb of 2011 OR give birth in Feb 2012. I am leaning with conceiving in Jan 2011 and finding out in Feb of 2011
  ttcbabylovepredictions:  Your 2nd child I see here shows a girl. I show you finding out with a positive test/conceive or give birth in Dec. So either find out with a positive test/conceive in Dec of 2013 OR give birth in Dec of 2014.
And the other girl I am seeing a find out with a positive test/conceive or give birth in Nov. So either find out with a positive test/conceive in Nov of 2015 OR give birth in Nov of 2016.
 me:  good age ranges
 ttcbabylovepredictions:  You two are also going to get married in August of 2011 or 2012. Even though you both have said you two are already married in your hearts I see you saying this to each other and even if you didn't get married you wouldn't need too. in other words you both feel safe with your relationship the way it is and marriage wouldn't be pushed, it would happen on its own time
Thats one thing I heard too the guides saying you two don't push eachother to do things in bad ways. no pressure on eachother with ttc, nor other lives issues
 me:  Thats surprising(This is SHOCKING, neither of us want to get married, we HAVE talked about a comitment ceremony)
 ttcbabylovepredictions:  any questions or anything so far sweetie?
 me:  Do you see an actual wedding like a legal mrriage?
  ttcbabylovepredictions:  Yes. it is showing you two marry in either August 2012 or August 2013. It shows a small and intimate wedding. Definatly an outside wedding. I also see you two being dressed a little different than a traditional marriage when you marry. nothing bad, but I am seeing colors that are different that are bright and that stand out both with what you are wearing and the decoration(we are pagan, it would for sure be outside in the fall at night...)
 ttcbabylovepredictions:  I got a message from  your guides about being a big protector of a female around you. You are always watching over here. Like a 2nd mother and I see her being in alot of trouble in her lifetime. The guides want you to know they are very happy you took her under your wing with being that 2nd mother just that she needs to start listening instead of just saying she will get on the straight and narrow
 me:  that could be 3 possibilities lol
 ttcbabylovepredictions:  I heard this young girl hasn't listened to alot of advice given to her in her life she has been very stubborn she comes through being either a teenager or in early 20s
 me:  Yep I know who that is
 ttcbabylovepredictions:  I also feel at least one baby energy around her too early way to early and honestly it felt planned even sad to say
 me:  baby to come? or past?
 ttcbabylovepredictions:  This baby feels past I am seeing I feel one baby in the past with her in connection with her on some level that feels was planne4d, but she made it sound like an accident or a whoops
  me:  about a year ago she said she was pregnant, no baby came to be and she had spotting alot so I figured she lost it,I was too angry withher at the time to ask what happened
 ttcbabylovepredictions:  Oh boy that is something sorry to hear that you went through that. I bet that must have been hard to swallow
 me:  she's my oldest niece so very hard to swallow
 ttcbabylovepredictions:  It shows me she planned a pregnancy, but she planned a lie too. the guides also said she planned to say it was an accident or a whoops not the truth of what really happend
I bet. So sorry sweetie.
 me:  She admitted that it was planned
 ttcbabylovepredictions:  Also with your current partner something I see strongly is that his family is very accepting of you and vice versa or will be where with  your past relationship I am NOT seeing all that warm and fuzzines with you guys. Feels like sides where always divided and your ex needed to stand up for you
Or he didn't even or firm enough this man you are with now will always stand up for you know matter who its against
you there hon?
 me:  yp
 ttcbabylovepredictions:  sorry said you where idle for a bit
 me:  was reading and rob came home, had to give him hello kisses
 ttcbabylovepredictions:  aww that is so sweet! hi Rob hope you are well!
 me:  sorry, my lap top buttons are sticking
 ttcbabylovepredictions:  No worries at all. Sorry I am having alot of typos. your laptop can stick and i will have the typos sound like a fair trade lol
did you get what I all wrote before I thought you went idle
 me:  sounds good. yes, I go tthat my ex was a dimwit who didnt stick up for me and that rob will
and it was plnned even tho she started out lieing about it
 ttcbabylovepredictions:  LOL yep that is it lol
Dimwit true, haven't heard that expression in awhile though. I needed that laugh lol
 me:  That was tame to wat I really wanted to type lol
 ttcbabylovepredictions:  Oh yea i bet and I understand
 ttcbabylovepredictions:  your first little girl shes going to be a little princess for sure. I don't see her conceited but she comes through just VERY into taking care of herself, dressing really great, always having to make sure her makeup is on, her face is perfect, hair perfect(she will be big on her hair), and nails done just alot of personal care. She comes through having a hard edge too though. Half leather and half lace to her with her attitude
 me:  awesome!
 ttcbabylovepredictions:  and she will be very down to earth I see but she will love to run the show too
I mean be in charge of what happens. Like when shes a kid she will have to make the game, what is said turing the game, be the leader
 ttcbabylovepredictions:  your other girl I see her loving to sit at the sidelines and watch the world unfold. She will be one more to go along with things and let others take care of things so she doesn't have to worry about the big details. She will love people watching too and she will be very intuitive of others actions way before they even happen
  ttcbabylovepredictions:  Oh and something with all your pregnancies I see I see no problems with pregnancy, but its showing me nauseauted, nauseated, nausated big time. I am seeing that the only sympton and only thing throughout any of your pregnancies so just to give you a heads up
 me:  I can see that too
oh, greeeeeeat
Wll I be a raging B word?
 ttcbabylovepredictions:  LOL yes, but not because of anything else with your pregnancy or anyone else, just because your so sick. And Rob will be VERY understanding of you and very catering to you. anything to make you feel comfortable and better
 me:  anddo yousee anything with us moving ad moneywise?
 ttcbabylovepredictions:  Sure I would be happy to channel that for you. Oh the guides also say whatever you want he wants too. Before I see neither your partners really wanting the same thing you two both want a baby, both want the same things in life you get eachother that way too you are a team as opposed to your exs just being there physically, but not emotionally with this baby thing
Moving and money
  me:  Itotally forgt I wanted to know some of that too, sorry, I know ur time is winding down
 ttcbabylovepredictions:  When I connected about moving i heard the guides said you two have both traveled way to much with moving. Never have felt settled down. Never have felt at home. Always feeling yanked out of places. You are home with eachother of course now, but I heard the guides say you two have never have felt a permanent place of being able to make a home and others always had you moving around whether you liked it or not
Oh no worires hon thank you sweetie
  ttcbabylovepredictions:  I do see you moving. Its showing in 2011. I show this move, where you will move is somewhere cheaper. I don't see it being home though. It shows you finding a home and feeling  you can make it a home in 2014. The move in 2011 feels out of n essaity this place i see too good to pass by with price, the other seems your home sweet home I see in 2014
ttcbabylovepredictions:  Its showing me the permanent place you will settle will have alot of quietness, alot of outdoor activites, alot of trails, and I am seeing it being around 70 the majority of the year. I see it looking very bright even at night where you live. It feels almost like an Arizonia sky what i see(I've mentioned to ROb and NO ONE else moving to arizona about 4 times in the last month)
 me:  that's wow
 ttcbabylovepredictions:  The house I see you in thats your home sweet home too has an Italian feel too for some reason I feel you both gravitatingstyle. Alot of archways that would remind you something out Italy
I heard Nathan connected to your son I see.
I also heard the guides say Anessa, nessa
Those are 3 names I got in the reading. They connect with your children somehow and you and your partner.
 me:  have no idea about those names
 ttcbabylovepredictions:  Just keep those in mind sweetie. If not your childrens name they will have some connection to them. This could be someone around your birth as well such as a doctor, nurse
 me:  I'll remember that
  me:  anything with money finances before we have to log off
 ttcbabylovepredictions:  I think we have a good amount of time though if you want to go more I will check the log but I think yo ugot a bit and yes i would be honored to look into that sweetie
 me:  oh, o, I have no idea what time we started eally, lol
 ttcbabylovepredictions:  Finances the guides said look into yourself for knowledge with this both you and your partner I am seeing insecurity and spending being tied hand and hand and I see also especially with your partner spending alot to make people happy at least in the past, hes getting better, but I feel he thinks alot of times he needs to get everyone everything they desire. those he truely loves at least
7:51 is when we started
 me:  oh yes we havesome time
 ttcbabylovepredictions:  Its showing me that if you two remember that your spending and alot of your debt is coming from insecurities then your debt will clear up alot
again especially his. feels you two do this alot to fill the voids especially him at least in the past and therefore its showing a reprocussion to your finacnes being out of whack now
Its showing your finances will start improving come August of next year alot.
That you two will start realizing that you two deserve way more and that will motivate you two to save
 me:  yes he is much better now and I handle finances now.  do you see me swtchin jobs?
 ttcbabylovepredictions:  That you two want to actually enjoy the fruits of your labor, not throw them away
ttcbabylovepredictions:  Well I do see the people around in your job are like family. It feels like one big family. Tight knitted. even without what you told me seems you guys are always there for each other. People within your work, but I am not feeling stability there. That is the only downside I am showing(my staff had to come to my house as they were all stranded in the blizzard in mn on saturday, we are all very close, I'm the godmother of one of my employees children...)
  me:  it's ben rough at work, the company just got out of bankruptcy
 ttcbabylovepredictions:  It doesn't give you peace of mind with stability I heard the guides say and it doesn't feel your authentic purpose. I do see you switching jobs. It is showing me you switching jobs between May and July next year and its showing me something within the lines of the restraunt profession. The guides say you love to cook and they feel that would make you feel at home. I also see you doing this on the side or on your own at one point as well, but that shows in 2011 end of it or 2012 the beginning.(I love to cook and bake and have thought about making specialty desserts)
Ouch that has to really hit hard. yea i heard alot of companies are actually doing that now. My friends just did. Its very sad
 me:  we made it and it's going better, we totally restructred but it was very scary
interesting for what u see for a future job
 ttcbabylovepredictions:  Sounds like it. I also heard the name Jacob around your boy as well so remember that name too sweetie
 me:  kk!
 ttcbabylovepredictions:  and I feel your partners life purpose is something with teaching, but being very motivational as well. I want to say working with teenagers on some level that are troubled, but more of a teaching possition
 me:  hmmm, ok
 ttcbabylovepredictions:  I feel you are both not where you are suppose to be long term at least.
 me:  I would agree
 ttcbabylovepredictions:  and they both don't feel your dream
 ttcbabylovepredictions:  You two have a very happy future together I really again know this man is the one who came through with your first reading. he was just pushing hard to get through because he knew how much trouble you where in and how much you needed eachother I do feel he was your angel with you and your ex not being together anymore
and your angel with helping you to get back to yourself
and you both came into eachothers lives to help you both realize you are worthy of wonderful things and that someone CAN be on the same page as you and desire the same things just as much
 ttcbabylovepredictions:  I believe we got about 5 minutes anything else before we wrap up sweetie?
  ttcbabylovepredictions:  It is showing he will change jobs in between Dec 2012 and March 2013. I know that is a long time span but its showing me in winter months. When he does change though it will be very solid and very long term and something that he feels very fullfilled and happy with. He will be giving to himself with work and to others as well for a change. not just to others with work .
  me:  hes happy with that, lol
 ttcbabylovepredictions:  Oh when you move to. Settle for good. I see you living where there are tons of horses and tons of stables. I see you meshing with one horse that is white very well too. I know that may sound weird, but I am showing you and this horse having a very special bond and hes going to help you with alot of getting over the past as well with your losses. anything at all that may be left over(this is the most confusing to me)
thats wonderful sweetie!
Nice to hear when people are happy!
me:  awesom ruby! I'm happpy too
 ttcbabylovepredictions:  You seem so much more relaxed to your energies since when I last talked to you honestly
before you didn't have this air of bounciness around you
You feel giddy to me now where before you felt just there and your partner at the time just there
you both are there now on every level you and your partner now
I can feel that
 me:  I totally agree
 ttcbabylovepredictions:  over the next year too if he hasnt talked about it yet, his son will want to move in with you two. This is showing strongly at leats he will bring it up alot
 me:  I'll go thru all this and I'l email you back my interpretations on it after I let it settle.
oh wow, that will be interesting
 ttcbabylovepredictions:  no worries sweetie. Sounds great. I wish you tons of love and happines forever hun. Pleas ekeep me updated
 me:  I will for sure.  Thank you s mch again!
 ttcbabylovepredictions:  you are so very welcome hon. Feel better and lots of love. Bye sweetie
 me:  bye!!
it feels planned, but it seems she started off with some kind of lie at the beginning

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

First urine collection day!

So today was my first OPK for this cycle which means I had to collect my first container of urine. 

Neg opk, and urine in my fridge, saweeeet!!!!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

3 years ago today

I was in the hospital losing my baby.

CD 2 and a headache accompany this anniversary.

Monday, November 29, 2010

False Unicorn Root... THE nastiest supplement I've ever tasted.  Absolutely horrible.

I'm taking it in hopes of creating a good O.  It is said to help the egg actually pop(in easy short explanation).

It's CD 1 again....